Daily Reverie

It's just me…

Love And Friends. January 12, 2011

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 10:27 AM

“I have found the paradox that if I love until it hurts, then there is no hurt, but only more love.” Mother Teresa.


I’ve been doing a lot of thinking about relationships the past few days. Perhaps, it’s has to with the harsh truth of having to have had a friend die and realizing how fragile life is. But I think it is deeper than that. The more I ponder the value of relationships, the more I realize that is my passion for life. To build sincere relationships with those around me.

There is a deep and moving importance in the building genuine relationships. I’m not talking about just the “fair weather” kind of friendship, where you pop in and out of someone’s life when something monumental happens with that person, and leaving when things become uncomfortable. I am talking about the kind of relationship where you willingly look outside of yourself every moment of everyday, even in the times where you would rather curl up in bed and pretend that the world outside is not there. The kind of relationship where the needs of the other is more important than your feelings.

I think that in our minds, as Americans, the word “relationship” is scary and we tend to stay away from using it. The only time in which we really use it, is when we are referring to romantic relationships. And being “in love.” But people are fickle, and even using the word “love” seems to lose it’s value, as we grow up and learn what it means to have our hearts hurt. Then we decide that the only relationships that are worth having are the ones that we can gain something from. We allow ourselves to become guarded and shy and unwilling to share the love that we are capable of.

Anthony Robbins once said “The quality of your life is the quality of your relationships. Some of the biggest challenges in relationships come from the fact that most people enter a relationship in order to get something: they’re trying to find someone who’s going to make them feel good. In reality, the only way a relationship will last is if you see your relationship as a place that you go to give, and not a place that you go to take.” So, the question is, what relationships do you have and what are you doing to intentionally build them up and make them better? Are you willing to allow yourself to open your heart and love others in a way that invites them in to see the beauty of life through the love that you show them?  Someone once said “”Love comes to those who still hope even though they’ve been disappointed, to those who still believe even though they’ve been betrayed, to those for whom love still heals, even though they’ve been hurt before.”


Piglet sidled up to Pooh from behind.  “Pooh!” he whispered.  “Yes, Piglet?”  “Nothing,” said Piglet, taking Pooh’s paw.  “I just wanted to be sure of you.”  ~A.A. Milne



From Dead Ends to New Doors December 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 8:47 AM
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I’m sitting here, with my grandparents watching Julie and Julia. You know the movie about how Julia Child got her start, and Julia Powell-the once secretary, now famous blogger and writer? While it’s very entertaining, I find I am gleaning new inspiration from it.

Here’s why. I feel as though by some divinely placed inspiration from God or Fate, whatever it is that you choose to believe in, that my friend Daniel and I met each other at just the right time in both of our lives. I moved back to California in May, utterly frustrated with my life. Approaching the fourth year of college at my fourth college and about to turn twenty-one and feeling as though I had in someway hit a dead end, because everything that I had planned for my life, just wasn’t coming to fruition. I didn’t know what I wanted to do. Having met Daniel, via my mother (he’s the son of my mom’s boss), because I had decided I wanted to run a marathon, and he being a personal trainer.

I don’t think either of us were prepared for the adventure that we were going to embark on a couple months later. I had recently become very passionate about fighting Human Trafficking, especially in the U.S. So much so, that I decided to change me major AGAIN, to Criminal Justice with the goal of eventually joining the FBI. Daniel, having just changed his major to Government and having done his fair share of college hopping as well. The only thing we both knew was that we both have always wanted to make an impact…somehow. And that’s how it all started..in a way. Actually, to be more accurate, it started with someone telling me that I should run for a cause for my marathon. So, of course I chose to run for Human Trafficking. Through various random conversations, Daniel and I decided to start a foundation. A non-profit organization, to fight for social justice in Northern California to be more exact.

It’s crazy. WE are crazy. We are a 21 and 24 year old with absolutely NO freaking business experience, starting a non-profit organization. We are learning how to create business plans, write by laws, network. We are meeting with FBI agents and hopefully the mayor of  Sac and a bunch of other people that I never dreamed I would ever have the opportunity to meet. Our first endeavor is going to be using the marathon that  I am going to run in July. We are going to utilize that to raise money and promote awareness for Human Trafficking, and hopefully even work directly with the FBI and Sacramento PD to start the long, difficult process of putting an end to Human Trafficking in Sacramento.

As the movie “Julie and Julia” so eloquently states, “Julia Child, wasn’t always Julia Child.” She was once a house wife who had moved to Paris with her husband, and needed something to do. Daniel and I are just two college students who found inspiration and direction through our friendship to actually make the impact that we had both always wanted to make. We still have a long way to go, but it’s going to be an adventure.


Thoughts…Random…Ramblings. October 24, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 10:05 PM

I haven’t written anything is awhile. To be completely honest, I always feel like a bit of a nerd when I update my blog. But I have a lot on my mind, so this is my attempt to straighten out the jumbled mass of incoherent thoughts taht are floating around in my head.

I’m in my fourth year of college. At my fourth college. And I just changed my major. I changed it from Psychology to Physical Therapy. Basically, I am starting over. Completely. Mostly. I have to take classes that are considered Gen Ed, again order to take the pre-reqs I need to take the core classes I need for a PTA degree.  This definitely is not what I expected my college career to be like. . but I feel confident about this new change of pace and direction that I have chosen. It’s a little overwhelming at times, but good.

It’s been a difficult transition moving home after not living at home for three years. And a huge shift from living a dorm life environment, to not. I was concerned at first that I would be so busy with work and school, that I wouldn’t have the time to make friends and have a “social life.” Especially since I can be on the shy side sometimes, it’s hard for me to go out there and make friends.

I’m becoming increasingly frustrated with the awkward dynamics that our society is creating between mens and women’s relationships. Women are being taught that we need to be strong and confident and to take charge, and yet the men are still not okay with it when we actually do just that.

I’m becoming more and more comfortable in being who I am. Which is awes ome. For a really long time, I was lost and confused and had no idea who I wanted to be, let alone how I wanted to get there. But I’m figuring it out. I’m learning it’s a process. Probably life long.

I’m training for a marathon.


Short Story! (I wrote this several years ago). August 30, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 2:55 PM

“Two men look out from behind the same bars
One sees mud;
The other sees the stars”
~Fredericke Langbridge~
Jeff grasped the cool metal bars of his cell window, and shook them with a rage full of pain deeper than he ever knew. The sky outside his cold, dank cell was grey and the heaviness of the darkness intruded upon his soul. Light had once shown from blue his eyes, but that light was now gone, and left his eyes looking grey. The ground outside was muddy from the rain that had been falling since his arrival, and scattered trash from his fellow inmates littered the grounds.
He was here because of what he had done. He had been desperate.
“No one will get hurt.” His friend had assured him as they made their plans.
Their plans were simple. They would rob a gas station. Jeff, would hold the cashier at gunpoint, but with an unloaded gun, and his friend would put the money in the bag, and then they make a run for it. His friend, had told him to pretend like he was going to shoot the gun, even to pull to trigger, but it was all just for scare, because as he reminded Jeff, there would be no bullets in the gun.
Things quickly got out of hand. In the rush of adrenaline coursing through his veins, he did pretend to shoot the gun. But no one had remembered to check and see if the gun was loaded. And it was.
He shook the bars of his cell again. Shook them for his stupidity for not checking the gun, and for his ignorance for thinking he could actually get away with robbing the gas station, that led to that fateful moment where he killed someone. He let out a yell, that through which any person with feelings could hear his pain and guilt.
Looking outside, his eyes came to rest on the muddy ground. He looked at the mud, that no doubt had once been rich reddish dirt, but now lay sodden and grey. That was all he was now. Mud. Dirty, filthy, disgusting mud. He, like the mud, would be looked at in disgust for the rest of his life.
“…one man sees mud…”
Another man was in the cell with Jeff. This man was grey-haired and had a hint of compassion and kindness in his eyes. He had been here much, much longer than Jeff. He had watched Jeff shake the bars, and listen to him yell.
No words had been spoken between them since Jeff’s arrival a few days ago. No words needed exchanging. He knew how Jeff felt…in a way. He knew he wasn’t like the other prisoner’s who felt no remorse at the thought of why there were here, and that he felt guilt and sorrow for what he had done. Whatever it had been.
This difference was, this old man’s pain wasn’t from killing someone. This man was innocent. He suffered from the guilt of knowing that his family had been murdered, and that he was still alive. He suffered from the indescribable anger of being wrongly accused and sitting in this cell year after year when he was innocent.
He breathed in a deep breath. It had taken him years to come to terms with his guilt, anger and sorrow. He had talked to God, when he had a family. In fact, he had rather liked to think that he and God were friends. Then he ended up here. And he didn’t talk to God for many years. In that time, his heart had become like stone. Then one night, he too had shaken the bars angrily and yelled all his anger out for the world to hear. But God had been merciful, and shown His love. Through the bars of his window, he had seen the stars. Really seen them.
He realized that if God were really there, and had really created everything, and he knew all the stars in the sky, surely God knew what was to be done with him. He suddenly felt so small and helpless, and in the moment he fell to the floor in adoration of God.
“…and the other sees the stars…”
The old man got up from his bed and cautiously walked over to Jeff. Jeff was staring out the window looking intently on the mud. He put his hand on Jeff’s shoulder. “You may think you’re mud, but God doesn’t”
“My people have been lost sheep; their sheppard’s have led them astray and caused them to roam on the mountains. They wandered over mountain and hill and forgot their resting place…Yet their redeemer is strong; the LORD Almighty is His name. He will vigorously defend their cause…” Jeremiah 50:6 & 34

Love is a Choice August 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 5:26 AM

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.”

I’m becoming increasing discontent with the stigma that the world places on marriage and the basic commitment in in relationships in general. The word “love” is tossed around so carelessly, that it seems to have lost the meaning behind it. People (even I am guilty of this) off handedly say things such as “I love this color.” or things such as that without actually regarding what the word “love” means.

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you.” – Leo Buscaglia

It bothers me to the very core of my being that people who commit to being married to eachother for the rest of their earthly lives, so often now will decide to get a divorce because “I just don’t love them anymore.”Psychology tries to measure it. To confine it to cognitive developments in the brain. They say that it is a chemical reaction and that the “feeling” can go away.  There is no real definition to it outside what we make it

True Love, is so much more than a feeling that can come and go like other emotions such as anger, happiness or sadness. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love can not be measured.

“Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another’s goodness…God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.” What is Love? Gila Manolson.

Most people “fall into love” only thinking on themselves and how they are feeling, without actually taking the time to regard the other person as a whole. And once that “lovey dovey” butterfly in your tummy feeling goes away, so does what you regarded as love. Which means, that it wasn’t real love to begin with. True love, is a choice, it’s a commitment. It is not only how you feel because the person makes you happy. It definitely is not being married and then waking up one day and saying “I don’t feel like I really love you anymore.” becuase real love is so much more than a feeling.  “Love is looking past imperfections in your partner and seeing the beautiful person inside. True love seeks the happiness and well being of your partner. Love expresses itself in the mutual respect you demonstrate to your partner.”

I think the best way I have heard love explained is in a song by Warren Barfielf called Love is worth Fighting For

Love is not a place, to come and go as we please, is a house we enter in, and than commit to never leave, so lock the door behind you, throw away the key, we’ll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is a peace in a middle of a war, and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.

To some love is a word that they can fall into, but when they’re falling out, keeping their word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is peace in a middle of a war, but if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.

Love will come to save us, if we’ll only call, he will ask nothing from us, but demand we’ll give our all.

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is a peace in a middle of a war, and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.
I will fight for you!

Would you fight for me?

It’s worth fighting for.


Everything Else is Totally Rad. July 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 4:08 AM

I don’t exactly know where to start with this blog. I have so much stuff just floating around in my head that I just feel like I need to get it out. I’ve been working at a Christian Summer Camp for the past three weeks. And to be completely honest, I had no expectations for God to do anything in my life through any of the people there. holy crap, was I wrong!

First off, our accountability leader has a write a letter to ourselves that she is going to send to us at the end of the summer. in the letter, we had to write down some goals that we wanted to achieve by the end of the summer. One of the big things that I wanted to work on this summer was confidence in myself. I really need to learn the whole lesson of “be careful what you ask for.” I wasn’t even supposed to be a counselor at this camp. But the very first week I was asked to be a counselor for 12-17year olds. God is so funny. Even though I didn’t have confidence in myself, I had to pretend like I did, because these girls that I was counseling were looking up to me. For the most part it was WONDERFUL. I got to connect with my girls and talk to them about God and what he can do in their lives. There was this one girl in my cabin. Bre. She would not open up to me, and just would not talk to me at all. One morning during our cabin huddles we were talking about the parable of the Lost Son. She just simply said “I don’t consider myself a Christian. And I don’t really know if I want to be one anyway.” It was heartbreaking to see someone in the same place that I was about a year ago, and all I could come up with to say was stupid cliches that I hate “I know how you feel” or “Jesus still loves you anyway.”

On the lastnight of camp, we had something called the cross walk. The staff members were given candles to hold to light the way for the campers and they campers took turns carrying a big cross. At the end of the walk, we had campfire, each person was given a candle to set in around the campfire, symbolizing something that we were giving up to God. Bre, started crying. I tried to talk to her and all she said was “I don’t want to talk to you about this” So I just prayed with her. The next day, as she was leaving, she stopped and turned around and ran back to me and gave me a great big hug and said “I’m so sorry for being such a brat this week. Thank you so much for being a wonderful counselor and not judging me and understanding where I am coming from.”

God is Good.

So much other staff happened too. I can’t even put it all into words. I experienced my first, real run in with spiritual warfare. Which was intense.

God also healed my heart completely and finished a work that has taken about a year and a half. I no longer wake up in the morning with a huge ache in my heart. My heart feels light and it feels happy for the first time in a very long time.

God is Good.


Biblical Truths in the Least Likely of Places. April 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 7:49 PM

Okay, so I have been thinking, especially since Brad Harper speaking in chapel this morning about Biblical truths being found in the secular world. You may laugh, but I really believe that their are some Biblical truths that can be found in fairy tales. Now, I am not saying that as Christians that we are supposed to get our theology from fairy tales, but that the beginning of some truths can be revealed in the least likely of places. After all, the stories written by the Brother’s Grimm, Aesop and Hans Christensen Anderson were originally told and written to teach lessons.

A question that often comes up in today’s society is “Does a Prince Charming Exist?” I was thinking one day….what if in some form this is true? That there really is a daring prince that will risk his life to save us. At least for Christians. I’m not trying to exclude non-Christians, but I don’t think that my hypothesis would really be accepted amongst non-Christian philosophy. Now, hear me out, because my answer to this question is yes. But let me explain my reason behind this.

Prince Charming is that man that comes riding in oh his white horse, wielding his sword in defense of the fair maiden’s honor. Right? There are so many books and movies and television shows, where this same basic concept is portrayed. Disney movies, The Indian Jones movies, the legends of King Arthur…and the list goes on.

I realized that Prince Charming could be viewed as a metaphor for God. Here’s why, in books and movies, Prince Charming (God) rides in on his white horse, to save the damsel in distress (us) from the evil dragons, and evil step mothers (Satan).

Let’s look at the parallels again.
Prince Charming is Jesus
The Damsel in distress is humanity
The Apple in Snow White and other things such as that in stories is sin.
The dragons, evil step parents and wicked witches is Satan.

And what does this valiant knight in shining armor usually say to his fair maiden? It’s usually something to the effect of a promise to love her unconditionally, and to protect her for all time. Which when you think about it is exactly what God promises to us.

Revelation 19:11-16 & 19-20
The Rider on the White Horse
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.”He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS…
…Then I saw the beast and the kings of the earth and their armies gathered together to make war against the rider on the horse and his army. But the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who had performed the miraculous signs on his behalf. With these signs he had deluded those who had received the mark of the beast and worshiped his image. The two of them were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur.

So, yes, there is a Prince Charming. But He is so completely better and different from the one that girls decide they need to find. He is the King, and so much more than just a mere man, that is going to ride in and valiantly rescue not, just one damsel in distress, but everyone who wants love from Him and believes in His love. But the best part is that God really can rescue us from the dragons and evil step parents in our life. And He will take care of us forever, no matter what.

“Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us they can be beaten.” G.K Chesterton