Daily Reverie

It's just me…

From May 2009 August 27, 2010

Filed under: Christian Life,Jesus — Lauren @ 2:06 AM

I really like poetry, I don’t write it very often. Just when I am feeling an intense emotion. I wrote this poem over a year ago in May 2009. It was about the previous year, and everything leading up to that point.
One day I prayed a prayer that changed my life forever
“God create in me a miracle,
bless me with eyes to see.
I know that you are there,
But as hard as I search,
I cannot find you anywhere”
I said all this in innocence
barely over a year ago.
All in faith that He would fulfill
But with no idea of when or how
or any knowledge of what was in store
People’s trails rarely seem that bad,
when you’re on the outside looking in.
I always scoffed when people said they had been broken
Always said that I could make it through what they had.
But the tests set out before us
were laid out by the Father that knows us to our very core.
Being broken comes in many shapes and forms
For some it’s the commitment
Or a bruising and breaking down of an ego,
Other’s it is the chance that they may fail.
Being led through life’s storms
is a promise God does reveal
In a girlish flight of feeling,
I gave my heart away
It felt so different, so strange
But I fervently prayed the feelings would forever stay.
Little did I know God was about to grant my prayer
To create in me a miracle with new eyes to see
I was broken, as far away from people as could be
Mentally, so I moved that it would also be physically.
Ten hours south, to the beach and the sun.
I was determined to start a new
To run in the ocean and have some fun.
At first my plan was working,
and the pain seemed to dull
I decided to play a game with God
To see how long I could go
without His hand to guide me
I was busy with school, and the beach
But ignoring God to prove a point
It left me feeling anything but full.
I embraced the sun, the weather and the warmth
But inside I still felt cold and dark, alone and full of fear
I refused, I did not want to hear
what other’s had to say to try and brighten up my day
It was then I began to learn
One’s worst life with God is better
than one’s best life without Him.
Once again I found myself before Him on the floor
Beginning to implore
“I want to be a miracle, I want a drastic change
The pain of being broken, is just too much to bear
God take me as you will, but don’t forget
to heal me as well.”
I wanted something immediate .
A great light from heaven to strike me where I was
A bandage around my heart
to guide the pieces together
to calm the storms of my soul, and bring me to the light
I began to feel the forces start the fight
for my soul and who I am.
“God what are you doing?
I do not understand, to go through
all this pain, was never in my plan.”
One day I acted on a whim
I drove through the desert,and witnessed
a wilderness and beauty
I never knew existed.
God found me in the desert
Gave me water and let me live
I embraced His love and kindness
Took a walk along the beach
until I found a cliff.
I overlooked the waves
felt so tiny, like a single grain of sand
Grateful and loved
that I was important enough to be saved
I embraced my tears with ease
felt complete, and allowed my heart to bleed
I let go of all my fears.
Jesus was with there, hugging and loving me for me
I made it home, and the floor on bended knee
In the same place I first asked for
a miracle and new eyes for me to see.
By faith I came to realize
By faith I made my plea
By grace Jesus answered,
even though I faltered, hated and I screamed
He never left my side
leading and holding me tighter everyday.
I was broken, made anew
and would never have it any other way.
One day I prayed a prayer, because I knew my life was forever changed
“God you created in me a miracle,
gave me brand new eyes with which to see.
I know, Father that you are there,
and I search and I can see
By faith I will now follow you anywhere”


Love is a Choice August 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 5:26 AM

“Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

Love never fails.”

I’m becoming increasing discontent with the stigma that the world places on marriage and the basic commitment in in relationships in general. The word “love” is tossed around so carelessly, that it seems to have lost the meaning behind it. People (even I am guilty of this) off handedly say things such as “I love this color.” or things such as that without actually regarding what the word “love” means.

“Love is the ability and willingness to allow those you care for to be what they choose for themselves, without any insistence that they satisfy you.” – Leo Buscaglia

It bothers me to the very core of my being that people who commit to being married to eachother for the rest of their earthly lives, so often now will decide to get a divorce because “I just don’t love them anymore.”Psychology tries to measure it. To confine it to cognitive developments in the brain. They say that it is a chemical reaction and that the “feeling” can go away.  There is no real definition to it outside what we make it

True Love, is so much more than a feeling that can come and go like other emotions such as anger, happiness or sadness. Love can occur between two or more individuals. It bonds them and connects them in a unified link of trust, intimacy and interdependence. It enhances the relationship and comforts the soul. Love should be experienced and not just felt. The depth of love can not be measured.

“Love is the attachment that results from deeply appreciating another’s goodness…God created us to see ourselves as good (hence our need to either rationalize or regret our wrongdoings). So, too, we seek goodness in others. Nice looks, an engaging personality, intelligence, and talent (all of which count for something) may attract you, but goodness is what moves you to love.” What is Love? Gila Manolson.

Most people “fall into love” only thinking on themselves and how they are feeling, without actually taking the time to regard the other person as a whole. And once that “lovey dovey” butterfly in your tummy feeling goes away, so does what you regarded as love. Which means, that it wasn’t real love to begin with. True love, is a choice, it’s a commitment. It is not only how you feel because the person makes you happy. It definitely is not being married and then waking up one day and saying “I don’t feel like I really love you anymore.” becuase real love is so much more than a feeling.  “Love is looking past imperfections in your partner and seeing the beautiful person inside. True love seeks the happiness and well being of your partner. Love expresses itself in the mutual respect you demonstrate to your partner.”

I think the best way I have heard love explained is in a song by Warren Barfielf called Love is worth Fighting For

Love is not a place, to come and go as we please, is a house we enter in, and than commit to never leave, so lock the door behind you, throw away the key, we’ll work it out together, let it bring us to our knees

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is a peace in a middle of a war, and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.

To some love is a word that they can fall into, but when they’re falling out, keeping their word is hard to do

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is peace in a middle of a war, but if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.

Love will come to save us, if we’ll only call, he will ask nothing from us, but demand we’ll give our all.

Love is a shelter in a raging storm; Love is a peace in a middle of a war, and if we try to leave may God send angels to guard the door.
No, love is not a fight, but is something worth fighting for.
I will fight for you!

Would you fight for me?

It’s worth fighting for.


Everything Else is Totally Rad. July 6, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 4:08 AM

I don’t exactly know where to start with this blog. I have so much stuff just floating around in my head that I just feel like I need to get it out. I’ve been working at a Christian Summer Camp for the past three weeks. And to be completely honest, I had no expectations for God to do anything in my life through any of the people there. holy crap, was I wrong!

First off, our accountability leader has a write a letter to ourselves that she is going to send to us at the end of the summer. in the letter, we had to write down some goals that we wanted to achieve by the end of the summer. One of the big things that I wanted to work on this summer was confidence in myself. I really need to learn the whole lesson of “be careful what you ask for.” I wasn’t even supposed to be a counselor at this camp. But the very first week I was asked to be a counselor for 12-17year olds. God is so funny. Even though I didn’t have confidence in myself, I had to pretend like I did, because these girls that I was counseling were looking up to me. For the most part it was WONDERFUL. I got to connect with my girls and talk to them about God and what he can do in their lives. There was this one girl in my cabin. Bre. She would not open up to me, and just would not talk to me at all. One morning during our cabin huddles we were talking about the parable of the Lost Son. She just simply said “I don’t consider myself a Christian. And I don’t really know if I want to be one anyway.” It was heartbreaking to see someone in the same place that I was about a year ago, and all I could come up with to say was stupid cliches that I hate “I know how you feel” or “Jesus still loves you anyway.”

On the lastnight of camp, we had something called the cross walk. The staff members were given candles to hold to light the way for the campers and they campers took turns carrying a big cross. At the end of the walk, we had campfire, each person was given a candle to set in around the campfire, symbolizing something that we were giving up to God. Bre, started crying. I tried to talk to her and all she said was “I don’t want to talk to you about this” So I just prayed with her. The next day, as she was leaving, she stopped and turned around and ran back to me and gave me a great big hug and said “I’m so sorry for being such a brat this week. Thank you so much for being a wonderful counselor and not judging me and understanding where I am coming from.”

God is Good.

So much other staff happened too. I can’t even put it all into words. I experienced my first, real run in with spiritual warfare. Which was intense.

God also healed my heart completely and finished a work that has taken about a year and a half. I no longer wake up in the morning with a huge ache in my heart. My heart feels light and it feels happy for the first time in a very long time.

God is Good.


Biblical Truths in the Least Likely of Places. April 15, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 7:49 PM

Okay, so I have been thinking, especially since Brad Harper speaking in chapel this morning about Biblical truths being found in the secular world. You may laugh, but I really believe that their are some Biblical truths that can be found in fairy tales. Now, I am not saying that as Christians that we are supposed to get our theology from fairy tales, but that the beginning of some truths can be revealed in the least likely of places. After all, the stories written by the Brother’s Grimm, Aesop and Hans Christensen Anderson were originally told and written to teach lessons.

A question that often comes up in today’s society is “Does a Prince Charming Exist?” I was thinking one day….what if in some form this is true? That there really is a daring prince that will risk his life to save us. At least for Christians. I’m not trying to exclude non-Christians, but I don’t think that my hypothesis would really be accepted amongst non-Christian philosophy. Now, hear me out, because my answer to this question is yes. But let me explain my reason behind this.

Prince Charming is that man that comes riding in oh his white horse, wielding his sword in defense of the fair maiden’s honor. Right? There are so many books and movies and television shows, where this same basic concept is portrayed. Disney movies, The Indian Jones movies, the legends of King Arthur…and the list goes on.

I realized that Prince Charming could be viewed as a metaphor for God. Here’s why, in books and movies, Prince Charming (God) rides in on his white horse, to save the damsel in distress (us) from the evil dragons, and evil step mothers (Satan).

Let’s look at the parallels again.
Prince Charming is Jesus
The Damsel in distress is humanity
The Apple in Snow White and other things such as that in stories is sin.
The dragons, evil step parents and wicked witches is Satan.

And what does this valiant knight in shining armor usually say to his fair maiden? It’s usually something to the effect of a promise to love her unconditionally, and to protect her for all time. Which when you think about it is exactly what God promises to us.

Revelation 19:11-16 & 19-20
The Rider on the White Horse
I saw heaven standing open and there before me was a white horse, whose rider is called Faithful and True. With justice he judges and makes war. His eyes are like blazing fire, and on his head are many crowns. He has a name written on him that no one knows but he himself. He is dressed in a robe dipped in blood, and his name is the Word of God. The armies of heaven were following him, riding on white horses and dressed in fine linen, white and clean. Out of his mouth comes a sharp sword with which to strike down the nations. “He will rule them with an iron scepter.”He treads the winepress of the fury of the wrath of God Almighty. On his robe and on his thigh he has this name written:KING OF KINGS AND LORD OF LORDS…
…Then I saw the beast and the kings of the earth and their armies gathered together to make war against the rider on the horse and his army. But the beast was captured, and with him the false prophet who had performed the miraculous signs on his behalf. With these signs he had deluded those who had received the mark of the beast and worshiped his image. The two of them were thrown alive into the fiery lake of burning sulfur.

So, yes, there is a Prince Charming. But He is so completely better and different from the one that girls decide they need to find. He is the King, and so much more than just a mere man, that is going to ride in and valiantly rescue not, just one damsel in distress, but everyone who wants love from Him and believes in His love. But the best part is that God really can rescue us from the dragons and evil step parents in our life. And He will take care of us forever, no matter what.

“Fairy tales are more than true. Not because they tell us dragons exist, but because they tell us they can be beaten.” G.K Chesterton


Recent Speech for my Public Speaking Class. March 11, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 8:31 PM

Introduction:  From early television sitcoms such as “I Love Lucy”  to modern day movies like “The Ugly Truth,” television continues to sustain gender role stereotypes because  it reflects dominant social values.

I.  How many of you are familiar with the movie Mulan? And the song “I’ll Make a Man Out of You.”  It portrays in one song, stereotypical gender roles of both men and women. The men are told they need to step it up and be tough and show their strength. While the men in the song sing about how they just want a woman who is beautiful and can cook and will “adore their battle scars.”

A. Gender Roles in Children’s Media
1) The roles of men and women are even seen in children’s movies.  Britain, in a recent study found that in television shows 70-85% (generally) of the characters are male and portray  the ideals of men active, aggressive, rational and discontented, and the women in the shows carried about typical representations of occupational roles or that of nurses and talking on the phone, reading and helping with the housework.

2)   A study done in 1975, which professionals still refer to as accurate, consisted of “forty boys and forty girls, sampled at four age levels: 4-6, 8, 10, 12 years of age. Their viewing time was measured, and then the children were administered the ‘it’ scale. This is where the child is given a drawing of a stick figure (it), before being asked to select what objects ‘it’ would prefer, from a host of pictures of objects which have associations with stereotyped sex roles.”  The study suggested that the more television that children view, is directly related to the child’s view of gender roles.
3)   According to Kevin Durkin’s book “Television, Sex Roles and Children” there is evidence showing that girls ages 8-12 tend to find a male newscaster more believable than a woman newscaster.

(Transition/signpost): Gender roles are not biologically determined and vary depending on the culture. Gender roles may even change for an individual during the course of their life.

II. Media in Advertising and Non-Children’s Media

1.   In many ads women are told that their bodies are their best assets. They are a tool. “Ads within this category reflect the concepts of the Only the Body trope, namely, that a woman has only her body to offer.” (genderads.com). There is a current women’s perfume ad in  which it says “Apply to your neck, so he can smell the scent as you shake your head no.” In advertisements, men are portrayed as “symbolic capital, intelligence and power” (www.genderads.com) until they are placed into the role that a woman typically portrays, and that time, the men are shown to be weak and stupid and helpless.

2.   There was a television show in the 1980’s that drastically flip-flopped the gender roles traditionally seen on TV. The show “Who’s the Boss?” is about former baseball player Tony, who takes a job as live-in house keeper to career woman Angela Bower. Through the flipping of the gender roles, this show depicts that once the roles are reversed in a life has a hard to continuing “to go on as normal.” Angela’s son is shy, lacks self-esteem and in one episode starts listing off every country in the world to a school authority figure, to which the principal replies that he needs to “go play sports and stop reading books.” And in many episodes, the dysfunctionality of the household is blamed on the fact that the man stays home and does all the chores while the woman is out in the workforce.

Transition: I want you to ask yourselves. How much of an impact does the media play in your daily life and how you view you role in society? It’s interesting to think, that willingness to be vulnerable is viewed as emotionality in women and weakness in men. So society has turned not only gender roles, but the basic core values of human relationships has been overturned.  Jesus we saw a focus on relationships and a constant sacrifice of his pride and needs for others. why can’t society seem to do the same?

III.    Clearly the media has it’s own agenda. It has created a downward spiral that just keeps repeating itself over and over and over again. And with each revolution that the cycle makes the roles of men and women get more twisted and discomforting to all who are exposed to the media stereotypes.

Close: I’m not saying we can’t get entertainment from Disney films or get a laugh from movies such as “The Ugly Truth.” I happen to love all the Disney princess movies and “I Love Lucy” is my favorite show. However, we must be able to separate what the media and society is trying to tell us that truth is, from what is the truth. Regardless of whether or not someone is a Christian, the individual needs to be able realize that men and women are more than just sex symbols and stereotypes.


Growing. March 7, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 5:18 AM

“It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are.” e.e. cummings


Plans…? March 5, 2010

Filed under: Uncategorized — Lauren @ 8:48 PM

So, I love how whenever I think I have everything in my life all figured out, and then God humorously (or not so humorously) shows me that I have absolutely NO idea what I am doing. It’s great fun. Not.
Sometimes, I feel like Elijah when God tells him to wait until the presence of the LORD passes by, and Elijah sees fire and earthquakes…and God is not in either of those. Or I feel like Bruce, in “Bruce Almighty” when he yells “God just give me a sign!!” And a sign truck drives by. Sometimes, I just want say to God “A sign…okay, I asked for one, care to be a little more specific?” And…God’s not specific enough…or rather not specific enough in MY timing, which usually in my mind is more important at the time, than when God wants to carry out plans. Sometimes life takes patience.

“Patience is the ability to count down before blasting off.” ~Anonymous~
I don’t possess patience. I want to have everything figured out and know what’s going to happen and when its going to happen so that I can plan my life accordingly.

John Lennon once said “Life is what happens when you are too busy making plans.”
I’m trying to figure out how a person can get through life without believing in God. I realize that in a previous post, I said that I sometimes wonder about this whole Christian thing…and that’s true. But at the same time, it all comes down to Faith. Sometimes, faith is the hardest thing in the world to hold onto, but when I choose to hold onto it, at the end of the day, my Faith is still there. And my God is still there. Even when I feel like He is being silent, like I feel as though he is being now. But when feeling completely lost, because of your choices or life’s circumstances aren’t going exactly how you had planned, and not having anyone to lean on. Or possibly only having yourself to lean on, but that doesn’t often work out when you are too torn down and ragged to carry on.

In Jeremiah, God tells Jeremiah
“Before I formed you in the womb I knew you,
before you were born I set you apart;
I appointed you as a prophet to the nations.”
“Ah, Sovereign LORD,” I said, “I do not know how to speak; I am only a child.”
But the LORD said to me, “Do not say, ‘I am only a child.’ You must go to everyone I send you to and say whatever I command you. Do not be afraid of them, for I am with you and will rescue you,” declares the LORD.”~Jeremiah 1:5-7

God knew us BEFORE we were born, he knew us while we were growing inside the womb. He knew who we would be, and what we would look like, and who we would become before anyone else even met us. He made us each as special individuals, and set us a part from everyone else. The cliche` sayings “You are special.” It’s true! And not only that, God will always be there for us, when we become too frustrated with life and not knowing where we are going, and what we want, He WILL help us. We just need to tone down our pride and ask for help.

I need help.